I am laying here in my bed just thinking. Wide awake millions of things just flying through my mind. What I need to do tomorrow, what needs to be done for class, what can I do for PBL. Just tons of things. One of the major things going through my mind is sin weighing on my heart.
I am laying here awake thinking about all the terrible things I have done just in the past few days, yet I am fighting myself to ask for forgiveness. I am fighting the fact this needs to be done. Asking for forgiveness is a major part of being a Christian. Letting God into those long aisles of filing cabinets and asking for him to forgive me for all the bad things I have done and keep doing.
As I lay here in bed I am fighting the urge to get up and read my bible. I am just saying no, these feelings will pass and you will be fine. Here is the deal, I am not ok with this. I don’t understand why in the world I go back to the spot I am in. I always say I am sick of this on and off Christian that I am, but with out fail I go back to the fighting way. Fighting off good Christian friends, fighting off the bible, fighting off praying, going to church, listening to music. I fight off all of those people because I go back to the same old self.
This year I want this to be different. I don’t know how to do this. Do I have what it takes to fight off the urges to go back to this empty life that seems great. Can I fight off, the Chase that fights off everything? The right answer is no, God can. I am not talking about that I understand that he can but can I put my mind into a spot where this is actually going to happen or am I just going to fall into the mundane trap? I want to say no I will fight for the good, but will I really do this?
When push comes to shove I am pretty sick of fighting the wrong urges. I am sick of fighting the want to read my bible and I want the fight to battle sin. I guess this will only come with time. This will come with talking to people, talking to God, reading my bible. Understanding what the right mind set must be.
I guess here goes nothing time to fight for what needs to be fought for.
You're not alone man..I feel ya
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Love Love Love this!! I completely understand ya! I think we all go through a little bit of this. I struggle with this too. Ill make the pact with you to start fighting for what really needs to be fought for! :)
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